Thursday, 25 October 2012

US what are you even

I just read the statements below and I am in SHOCK cos what in the actual fuck how can this be real quotes from real people said in all honesty hOW


It's stuff like this that makes me afraid for the entire world tbh when a super power like the US have people like this on top levels

and yes disclaimer blah blah blah it's not ALL Republicans who feel like this (and yes, there are bad Democrats, too) BUT WAKE UP it's people like this you put in charge as YOUR representatives!

I really wouldn't give a fuck about how much else we agreed on if a person had these kinds of views

"Enjoyable Rape: it it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it" 
that is just so fucking offensive I feel sick to my stomach

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

kpop thoughts

I know that if you don't know me personally it must seem like I live in a pool of my tears. I don't - for the most part - but I am an emotional person and crying is the natural way for me to release when all those feels just becomes too much.

lol I dunno, it just struck me that lately it's all about crying and being a sad and emotional mess around here, and it's not really like that all the time, I guess it's just often the emotional times I need to vent here

so here we go again

Mads and I follow a blog called Eat Your Kimchi, a couple of Canadians living in Korea and blogging about what life is like in Korea from a foreign perspective, and all aspects of Korean life, especially kpop.

Recently they were invited to KCON, a big kpop convention in Irvine, California, and of course they posted about it once they came back to Korea.

One of the videos they linked to is the one below by The Verge

And yes, it made me choke up.

If you're not into kpop, or even if you are, this might be impossible to relate to but I was just SO. HAPPY. I know it was an edited video, from a kpop convention, in the US, BUT STILL.
The feeling that something I love so much and that matters so much to me is finally getting some recognition was just overwhelming, that sense of "yes, finally!!!!".

And the sight of excited fans at concerts - and especially concerts with groups I like! - just always gets to me. The regret that it's not me who's there to enjoy, and at the same time so happy for the people who were able to attend because I've been there and I know how amazing it is to be part of that crowd.

I wanna be part of that crowd again..

Anyway, another thing I've been thinking a lot about lately-
I know that the whole Gangnam Style phenomenon has done an amazing job of putting kpop into the general public all around the world, even here in my little country, and suddenly having people from all sides talk about Gangnam Style has been a completely surreal experience.

It's not that I'm not happy about the almost-overnight success, I love Psy and he's an artist whom I so far feel can handle the massive jolt of attention, and as a person he's just really pleasant

I just can't help but think out of almost every kpop numbers out there this is not a very good representative, and as such it's probably giving the world the wrong idea about what kpop's all about.
The possible downside to the success of Gangnam Style could be that as much as it's helping spread the kpop knowledge it might also set up the rest of the world of kpop for failure due to unfulfilled expectations in the worldwide audience.

There is nothing typical about Gangnam Style, the music video, Psy's image compared to the rest of kpop, and ironically also not to the rest of Psy's own music if you ask me.

I'm not sure of what I'm trying to say here, I'm just not one of those people who think that because of Gangnam Style kpop is ready to invade the entire planet. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I even want it to..

I want to be able to buy my CDs in stores, and see idols on TV instead of Youtube, and listen to Urban Zakapa in cafés, and go to concerts in my own- well, okay, maybe not my own country, but something closer than Asia, with even lesser known artists.
I want kpop to be recognized and respected for the awesome music and extremely hardworking artists, but I'm afraid that if the marketing towards Western markets become too strong it will lose it's kpop-ness in the attempt to make it big.

And I don't want that. I want it to be Korean lyrics even if I don't understand a word they say, I want the girls to be cutesy enough to make you wanna throw up or sexy, not slutty okay some are slutty, but still, it's a different feel enough to make you question your sexuality, I want the guys to be touchy-feely and covered in eyeliner and accessories and skinny jeans and femininity and once again make you question your sexuality, I want the counted down greetings and fan colours and toe-curling fandom and bias names and hair colours in all the colours of the rainbow.

That, to me, is kpop, and I'm not sure the West will ever be ready for that.

So maybe it's better if it stays home and just remains somewhat underground in the rest of the world..

Thursday, 18 October 2012

watching history

note: I obviously wrote this on Monday, but life, and, yea..


yesterday I watched a 43-year-old guy jump of a ledge and hurl towards earth from the stratosphere. everything was live via Red Bull's live feed (or as live as the safety 20 second delay would allow), and I cried so hard into my pillow.

why? honestly, I'm not even sure..but even thinking about it now I'm getting teary ᅲᅲ

it took Baumgartner almost 2½ hours to ascent to the calculated altitude and hubs followed the whole thing with great interest.
me, I was bored and entertaining myself on twitter, and it wasn't until he had reached altitude and they started the final check list run-down that I suddenly got hooked, too.

hearing him go through the steps and the delays in response to some of the major steps just went straight to my heart and I was at the edge of my seat towards the end.
of course those delays could have just been earth-to-space communication audio delays, him thinking, mobility issues due to the space suit or whatever, I know, but it could also be emotions.

there were some depressurizing hiccups and it took some tries to get the door open, and I didn't even notice I was holding my breath until the door rolled aside.

and then I started sobbing cos the the surge of emotions he must have felt was just totally overwhelming the moment that beaming atmosphere came in view.

it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen

a few checklist steps later and he was out the door.
again there was a moment before he had to unhook his oxygen lines and the knot in my chest..

the thoughts that must have been racing though his mind as he was standing there ᅲᅲ
it made me happy when he said at the press conference later, that in that moment all thoughts about records and sound barrier didn't even enter his mind, all that mattered was getting back to his family safely.

the first thing he said when he got out of the capsule, or at least I remember it as the first thing, was "I wish you could see what I see".
I've heard that sentence or similar stuff, and watched a scene like this in tons of movies, but the realization that this is as real as things will ever get just got to me so deeply.

my empathy was seriously killing me at that point, and I felt so small and humble on his behalf, and I don't think I've ever wanted a person to succeed as badly, strange as it may sound..

he was only standing on that ledge for..probably a matter of minutes, tops, and then.. "I'm going home now"~

my entire body tensed up in that instant and I don't think I breathed for what seemed like forever..

watching a human being fall through space like that.. and omg so fast, I mean, I get that that was the whole point but just look at that timer..!
from right here to out of sight in 1 second :o

the feeling when he fell to his knees omg it was pure joy end relief ᅲᅲ and obviously I'm talking about my own feelings here tho I suspect we might be in agreement..

in the end Baumgartner managed to break the sound barrier with a speed of 1342,8 km/h (834,4 mph), or Mach 1,24, because his jump altitude of 39045 m (128100 ft) allowed him to fall through the stratosphere where there's so little resistance that once he actually hit the atmosphere his fall was slowed during his 4,2 min freefall.

besides the sound barrier record he also managed to break the world record for highest manned balloon flight, and highest freefall.
Joe Kittinger still holds the record for longest freefall at 4,36 min cos Baumgartner had to release his parachute around 5000 ft?, a planned altitude, but by that point the freefall record still hadn't been broken
I assume it's cos his higher freefall speed made him fall much faster event though he also fell from much higher..?

if you didn't watch you missed out, you can see a very brief highlight video from Red Bull here

I'm glad other people have the courage to advance the world so I won't have to 


something's up, but I don't know what

I feel like crying, but I don't know why

it's not a state of panic, but more a numb tightening sense of sorrow in my chest

I keep welling up at the sight of Byeongheon yet all I wanna do is click through every random video on youtube and every picture on every site I can possibly hunt down with him..

I'm sorry I can't be any use to anyone today ᅲᅲᅲᅲ

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

don't mind me

I'm just blatantly ignoring everything else I should be doing right now and trying not to notice how annoying it is that I have no problem writing this when I can't seem to write anything else so here's another thing I've been thinking a lot about.

Recently I've noticed people expressing that they didn't feel comfortable on twitter when they weren't in a good mood. Of course I told them not to be silly and that people are allowed to be exactly how they are no matter their mood. People are free to unfollow if they don't like.
But then again I myself usually feel like staying away when I'm feeling down or whatever so not judging. 

It's not like I want to have everyone's undivided attention every time I get on, but on the other hand, even when I'm not feeling down I can get annoyed when I feel like people are talking to me without paying attention, you know, like if you're talking to someone who says they're listening all the while having their eyes fixed on the telly or their phone or something. 
And I know, usually people on twitter will have other stuff going on, too, or other convos or whatever, but I just think that if I'm in need of a little TLC or pep talk or whatever, it just makes me even sadder if I feel like people won't even give me full attention in my hour of need. 
I barely ever reaches out to other people besides hubby, and if I were to, I just don't feel like twitter would be the place to do so.. I guess I don't trust people to make me a priority on their own, and I don't feel like I should have to ask for it myself.
I also don't wanna police how/what other should or shouldn't be doing. I trust that people are acting how they want to and if they aren't it's for them to change it, not me.

and no, of course I can't know for sure if this is how things are on the other side, it's an assumption, but RT'ing other stuff or laughing at random things or posting links and answering only every 2-3 minutes gives a pretty good indication..
so if people ask how I'm doing when I'm not doing so good, I'll probably say fine..

but, as I said, in general this is what can bug me about twitter, that no matter the friendships, talking to tlist just rarely feels like talking to friends on the phone or face to face. 
I rarely feel like I have people's attention for more than random chit-chat or goofing off which is also why I don't like getting into more serious stuff of mine on there. Not that I mind talking about it, I just prefer emails where we won't get interrupted by whatever in the middle or where I don't have to witness first hand if people get distracted or whatever.
This is probably also why the people I'm closest to are the ones I also email and where I feel there's a mutual interest in more than the twitter chatter.

I know this post was so weird so am I these days, but I just needed to get this out of my head, so, yeah.

ps. remember, if it doesn't apply, it doesn't apply